The Diva Diaries is a weekly blog series chronicling the experience of a DIVA University student and client. For privacy purposes, the author chooses to remain anonymous, but in doing so, is able to candidly and unabashedly pour her heart out to readers while documenting her journey. One of the amazing parts of D.I.V.A. University is the meditations, and how they’re implemented in the lessons. They’re called meditations, but they feel more like hypnosis. Shay’s technique of working her way into your subconscious is the golden ticket for how and why this course succeeds. Not only do I use the meditations when prompted during the lessons, but I also double down on some of them and turn them on at night, just to make sure the messages really stick. So far, learning about the science and psychology behind dating, romance, and love has been eye opening. That expertise is what initially drew me to Shay Levister, Certified Love Transformer, in the first place. It’s what makes sense to me. A lot of love coaches out there will sell you, “The Perfect Text Message to Send to Make Him Fall in Love” or “What YOU need to do in order to make him obsessed with you” products. No shade on anyone trying to help other people, but none of that stuff ever resonated with me. Because learning what I should be doing and how I should be chasing is the antithesis of standing in your feminine power and feminine energy. The big secret is, feminine energy doesn’t need to do anything at all. It just receives.
Back to the meditations. I was wrapping up Cup of Healing sometime this week, and the last leg was a two hour webinar Shay conducted with a group of DIVA University clients. In that video, she conducted a very powerful visualization exercise, in which she guided everyone into imagining what life would look like five or ten years down the line if you were still single. I had done this practice in my journal during the course--a couple of times. But listening to Shay guide me into this practice, telling me to go deeper into envisioning my future without a loving partner, was so effective. It was so effective, that I began to sob thinking about major life events that I knew I was going to experience in the coming years, and imagining being alone and single for them. One of those moments is my 40th birthday--still a few years away, but still...just a few years away. I imagined being alone and resentful on my 40th birthday when it should be celebratory and reflective of every blessing I had manifested in my life. Imagining what it would be like to be single on my 40th birthday also created ideas that those around me would be secretly pitying me for being single at that age--for that occasion. Another was imagining my parents getting sick and dying, and having to endure that heartbreak without a partner to support me and hold me through the pain. I sobbed and sobbed thinking about how that reality is very possible, even if it’s not one I want.
A few minutes later, after I had dredged up all of the pain and tears, Shay commanded us to stand up and dance to shake off the bad feelings. Then, we came back to our seats, and she walked us through another meditation--this time imagining what our lives would look like in five or ten years down the line if we were with our soulmates, in happy, loving, committed relationships. I was able to fully visualize my partner having dinner with my boys and me, I even felt butterflies in my stomach imagining driving home from a long day at work, excited to see my partner and hold him. I imagined mundane activities like reading a book on the couch, but laying in his lap. I imagined my 40th birthday celebration being over the top and amazing because my future partner, my soulmate, treats my birthday like it’s a national holiday.
This practice was very powerful, and I am trying to hold onto those feelings of excitement and hope. Somehow, some way, I really do feel like whenever my brain starts to say things like, “You aren’t dating anyone right now,” “nobody is messaging you on apps,” “he hasn’t showed up yet, maybe he never will,” my heart won’t really allow those messages to resonate. I no longer get a visceral reaction to those doubts. I have somehow subscribed to the fact that no, that will not be the case as I move forward in my life. I refuse to accept that I will have to endure life’s challenges and joys all alone, single, without my soulmate. These practices make me feel so much like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly. I am so excited to proceed and keep getting better.
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