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How Listening to Bad Date Stories Breeds More Bad Dates

Updated: Dec 21, 2021

I love social media. Anyone who follows me on Instagram, TikTok, or any of the other interactive channels knows that I love having a direct line of communication to my DIVA community! The reason I love these channels so much is that we can all connect through our life experiences, start a dialogue, and build together. And social media is a place where people let it ALL hang out–the good, the bad, and the funny! One trend that’s taken over is the people recalling bad date stories. I have seen this trend blow up on TikTok especially–and it’s mostly from women. Beautiful, radiant, educated, smart, successful women are taking to TikTok to vent about their dating experiences. And I get it–bad dates happen, weird dates happen, and who doesn’t love sharing a good story? We have all had a date where we get on the phone afterward to our best friend to recall every detail–and that’s because women process their emotions through talking things out. When we describe our experiences, we’re able to process them and then decide how they make us feel. But the more these women focus on recalling a bad date story to their audience so that they get shares, likes, follows--really, attention of any kind–the more harm they are unconsciously doing to themselves. Telling bad date stories, listening to bad date stories, and sharing bad date stories keeps everyone involved in a tornado of--you guessed it--bad date stories! I stumbled upon a TikTok account of a woman whose backstory is that she’s a single woman with children, divorced from a narcissist. She is beautiful, makes six figures, and has been back in the dating game for several months. She is extremely vulnerable when recalling details about her dating life to her TikTok followers–and I think that’s commendable. What leaves me scratching my head about her is this: She is a high value woman lowering herself to the dark side of hookup culture and the low-rent expectations from low-value men. She belongs to hookup dating sites, and describes “meeting up with,” and “hanging out with,” men before going on dates with them. Once, she described going on a lunch date and offering to pay for the man’s lunch–and he ordered three meals so he had some to take home! Several times, she’s recalled stories about how she’s been, “Talking to this guy,” and sent him videos of her kids while they are out, and how he ended up texting her later thinking she was another one of the women in his rotation! From what I can tell about her just from following her on TikTok, she has lowered herself to a place that I’m not even sure she realizes. The bar she has set for men, well, it’s in hell. Please don’t get it twisted: I myself and many of the fabulous divas I coach have been in her shoes. Most women have lowered ourselves and set zero expectations for a man we are allowing to enjoy our company. Many of us have had to learn through trial and error that this gets us nowhere. But why does it continue to happen?

When you are someone who makes your whole reputation or personal brand about being single and going on bad dates, then what do you think you’re going to keep attracting? Let me take a wild guess: You’re going to stay single, going on bad dates. This also has to do with a recent movement that celebrates singlehood. I know of a few podcasts off the top of my head that celebrates singlehood for women over 30, and the podcast host’s #1 piece of advice is for women to get off of dating apps, because she says dating apps are designed to “keep you feeling badly about yourself.” I respectfully disagree. I will agree with her on one thing–being single is nothing to be ashamed of. Waiting to commit to the right relationship, while spending time healing and elevating to your highest good is the best thing you can do for yourself, your future husband, and everyone around you. But her message doesn’t go beyond singlehood–because it never quite incorporates messaging like, “it is ok to want a healthy, beautiful, romantic relationship with your soulmate and perfect partner.” See, when you get stuck in championing singlehood so much so that it turns into your entire brand, your message, your IDENTITY, well, ma’am, where do you think that will take you and your listeners? That brings me to my next point: When you are subscribing and following influencers and personalities on social media whose messaging has only to do with bad dating stories and staying single–that has a DEEP effect on you. It is so detrimental to your growth that you don’t even realize it. That is why I teach my Divas in Diva University that any TV, movies, social media, music, or media of any sort that you are consuming has to align with your manifestations and goals. We all must surround ourselves with the energy of ONLY that which has to do with our highest good. So, take inventory of what you are currently giving your energy to, and work on removing that messaging from your daily life. Photo source: cottonbro by

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