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DIVA Diaries: Dust Yourself Off and Try Again Part II

After my post the other day, I was pleasantly surprised to receive an email from Shay today!

That is something about Diva University: the amount of support I receive from the other divas and from Shay herself is overwhelming and I couldn't do any of this without them. Her email really changed my perspective about my last date experience, and I think it also reflects the principles of Diva University that I'm learning. Here's what she wrote: "Hey babes--I know you got down on yourself about the guy's intention for the date, but that had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. I wanted you to look at this from a different angle because I think it can be a breakthrough for both you and the readers.

When you are dating and going out with different men, the goal is not to find somebody who is the right somebody. The goal is to practice. The goal is to get better at choosing you. The goal is to become a master at releasing attachment to the final outcome and making you, your desires and needs the top priority.

It seems that you ran into what was the probable outcome of why I say not to do a dinner date on the first date. The goal is to leave him wanting more. The goal is to make sure that you tap into your own intuition about him as a person and let the build-up begin. When you are dating and going out with many different men--then going out on coffee dates is just like part of the day. You do at least three a week. It's like when you are interviewing for a job. No matter how good you look on paper, they will do a telephone interview with you. The coffee date is the telephone interview.

The second date should be an event or activity so that again you are seeing how this person will be in real life as a fun, interactive person. By the time you get to the dinner date on the third meeting, then you will have more than enough to talk about because you would have already interacted twice, experienced enjoying yourselves with each other, and possibly discovered other interests that each other have. It also moves the focus from 'destination: sex' to 'destination: get to know me.'

When you establish the standards from the beginning, it also makes it clear to all of the Build-A-Bear scrubs who have other intentions that you are not that type of woman, and you have no problem walking away.

I do understand your intention to allow him to "be a man," and I can appreciate it. You can allow him to be a man within your boundaries and parameters. You use your feminine energy to express what your boundaries, wants and expectations are and then you let him play in the sandbox of your parameters.

For example: he invites you out on a dinner date and you say ' I would love to do a dinner date, but first I prefer to just do coffee and meet for the first date and maybe do something fun for the second date--if we even get that far--and then if you make it to the third date, that's going to be a really amazing dinner!' When you say it in a seductive, sweet, fun way then now it piques his interest and makes him want more. It also lets him know that you have standards and expectations that you will not move out of.

When he did rideshare for the first date, that was also a 'no ma'am'! First, it puts you in an uncomfortable position and it makes no sense! Why couldn't he just drive? Also, you do not know him and want him to know where you live. It's always about safety first and letting them work their way up to getting closer to you mentally, emotionally, physically and in other ways.

Your blog ended on a sad note and I really want you to pick your head up and look at yourself in the mirror and recognize how far you've come. This is all part of the process. Dating high-value men should be an absolute expectation. There are plenty of them, but just like with the Build-A-Bears, there are some of them who have the same jacked-up expectations. Your goal is just to keep putting yourself out there and have a great time and discover Who You Are and become so solid and comfortable in that YOU that the right one will be irresistibly magnetized to you! Keep your head up Diva, you will get there!"

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