The Diva Diaries is a weekly blog series chronicling the experience of a DIVA University student and client. For privacy purposes, the author chooses to remain anonymous, but in doing so, is able to candidly and unabashedly pour her heart out to readers while documenting her journey.
Diva University Plus launched this week, and I was not looking forward to “starting over,” even though I had spoken to Shay who assured me I was going to be blown away by it. And yesterday when I logged into the portal, I WAS. Holy cow, I cannot believe all of the features, courses, and materials that are available to us now. I was ECSTATIC to begin from the beginning. I even stayed up late and overslept this morning because I could not get enough. I have given myself the deadline of Hanukkah (I’m not Jewish) to finish Diva University Plus. I am bound and determined to make this Christmas different. That was what I told myself last Christmas, as I sat on my best friend’s couch watching reruns of “Sex and the City,” eating Chinese food. It wasn’t a bad Christmas, but the pangs of loneliness really got to me, and I made a proclamation that day that next Christmas would be different. I’m holding myself to it. Even though I’m “starting over,” with Diva University, I’m really not. I made it through three sections of the course and I look at it as a “test drive,” and now I’m at the starting line of the marathon. I am ready. I’m not sure if it’s because of the full moon, Mercury going into retrograde on Sept. 27, or what, but last week was full of tests from the universe. On Monday, I had one of the most abusive professional phone calls of my life with a man who is working for me. That’s right, I’m his client. He was insulting me, shouting, and banging his hand on the table. What did I do? I sat on the other end of the call in stunned silence, and when he was done with his rant, I said, “ok, got it,” and hung up. The old me, the one who hadn’t started Diva University yet, would have done one of two things: 1. Spoken over him to reassure him and make him happy. I would have apologized and said whatever I needed to say to calm him down and make him not upset at me. 2. Cried to make him feel terrible. Then, I would have gone to my boss and cried about how that “happened,” to me. It took me about a week to process that moment, and I didn’t realize until today that that’s exactly what the old me would have done. The new me, however, knew that this belligerent nobody was going to get an earful via his human resources department once he was done with this project. In fact, he was informed via email that all communication for the duration of this project was going to be done via email and no more phone calls would be taking place due to his behavior. Furthermore, I made sure he knew that the only reason I am not demanding he be taken off the project is because I do not want any more stalling and do not deem disruptions at this juncture of our work together to be beneficial. BOOM! Two more similar instances occurred during the week in which I, rather effortlessly, stood in my strength and my power in a feminine way. I did not engage in behaviors in which I raised my voice, hurled insults, or even cried out of frustration/anger (when I totally could have). When a man I’ve been getting to know told me that he no longer wanted to continue getting to know me, I handled it with grace and told him I felt the same way, and was relieved he said something first. He acted shocked to get that response! I was laughing on the phone call, even, and I told him I really enjoyed getting to know him but that I was right there with him--that this wasn’t a good fit for me either. I think he was genuinely expecting me to be devastated! But what did I do instead? I wrapped up the phone call with a “well, you take care! Bye!” and blocked his number immediately. This is also behavior that I never would have portrayed before Diva University! Instead, I would have asked him tough questions about why I wasn’t the one for him, and why he didn’t like me to really amplify the feelings of rejection (which is the biggest emotion I typically feel). I also would have left his number in my phone in case he had a change of heart, or tried to keep a friendship alive. And when I tell you that my response was my truth, I mean it. I wasn’t salty at all, I was genuinely relieved he said something first. I felt great afterward. This was not possible before Diva U. I even ran into a confrontation with my ex-husband and his baby mama--which was a first for us! When I tell you that I called those two gaslighters out on every attempt to skew the facts, I mean it. Old me would have cared way too much about wanting her to like me, to see that I was the “good guy,” unlike what she’s heard about me. However, I don’t really care what she thinks of me. I think she should care more about what I think of her. You see, I’m the custodial parent, they answer to me, not the other way around. And when I was done? I simply said, “I’m done having this conversation now, goodbye.” And left it at that. Wow. Even though I’m so beyond proud of myself and who I am now--and so effortlessly--I am also TIRED. I’m tired of the tests. I don’t want the drama. I want peace! I emailed Shay to ask her why the universe might be testing me like this. She responded so positively. She said, “Oh, how wonderful! How do you know you've developed a muscle unless it is tested? The Universe must show you that you can trust you! You get to see evidence of your inner transformation and that requires that it is put to the test. Stay peaceful, continue to stand in your power and know that this too shall pass and it is all working for your highest good. Congratulations on graduating to the next level! This usually means that something amazing is right around the corner!” And with that, the numbers 1111 and 7777 have begun popping up everywhere. Thank you universe, thank you Shay, thank you spirit guides. I see you and I know you are with me. I’m ready to receive! Photo Source: Pexabay from Pexels.com