DIVA Diaries: I'm Dating Again

The Diva Diaries is a weekly blog series chronicling the experience of a DIVA University student and client. For privacy purposes, the author chooses to remain anonymous, but in doing so, is able to candidly and unabashedly pour her heart out to readers while documenting her journey.

Two weeks ago I decided that I was going to begin actually making time to date--for real real. I had set up my dating app profiles and was feeling out the clientele for a little while. I went through all of the motions of app dating: swiping, matching, forcing conversation, quick phone calls, etc. The law of averages really comes into play when it comes to app dating. If you swipe enough and match enough, you’ll eventually connect with someone, and if you connect with enough people, eventually a date will come out of it.

With my new knowledge and my new outlook, I was ready to break my old dating habits and experiment. Thanks to Diva University, the game has changed. I asked my friends and family what they had to say about my dating and relationship patterns, and I heard things like this: “You date down.” “You give and give and get angry when you don’t get what you give in return.” “You are a rescuer.” I also realized through deep introspection and thought work through Diva University that at some point in my young adulthood, I figured out what “type” of man usually gravitated toward or was attracted to me, and I honed in on that target demographic for the next 20 years. I honed in on it so much so that I never stopped to ask myself what my type actually is!

So, I’m no longer looking at men through the lens of: “Would they like me?” and instead asking myself, “Are they good enough for me?" I’m beginning to see men differently, realizing that I always found most men to be more attractive in person than photos could capture, so I had to stop putting so much weight on outward appearance (though, some level of physical attraction is still important to me!) and put more emphasis on things like how thoughtfully they filled out their profiles, what they had to say, and what messages they wanted to convey with their photos and photo quality before I even considered swiping right. I’m also paying close attention to those who are approaching me, and gauging the caliber and value. As Shay told me in our last Love Coaching Collective--it’s a step up, but just because it’s better than it was, doesn’t mean it’s as great as it can be!

Within my two-week window, I did have two dates--both last week. I also had a third, but it was canceled last minute. The first date was really nice--I was pleasantly surprised by how well we connected and got along, and he was really a lot of fun to talk to. The date was about an hour and a half, which was appropriate for two strangers not knowing each other. The second date was Friday, and I really didn’t feel like going on it, but I did anyway. When I tell you I’m not sure that man was actually born a man, I mean it. In fact, one sector of white nerd that I tend to attract has always been the feminized man-boy. This was that. While it felt like a step back in many ways, I wouldn’t have necessarily known that from our interactions. But when we sat down to have beers on a Friday evening (it was supposed to be at 7 p.m. and then got pushed back to 9:30), I figured I’d relax and enjoy the experience because everyone brings something to the table. The check was dropped off on the table and it was a total of $25. It probably sat there neglected for a good half an hour--and this was already an hour past when I wanted to leave. He didn’t grab it, and I really wanted to go. Knowing this was against everything I’m learning in Diva U, I threw MY CARD DOWN and he threw his down and we went DUTCH. I am damn near 40!!! Then he had the audacity to ask if I wanted to go to another location to continue the date. Ew, no. Bye. That experience took the wind out of my sails a little bit, but I kept on. The next day, I had a coffee date scheduled with a 46-year-old psychologist who was divorced with two children. The date got canceled because of a COVID scare, and we spent some time texting that evening. Long story short: I am no longer available to date psychologists. He was inappropriately prying and said to me, “What’s something you don’t tell anyone until you’d like to see them naked,” to which I simply replied, “My ring size,” and left it at that. Then, I hit the block button and went to bed. Thank you, next! Photo source: Jep Gambarella via pexels.com.