The Diva Diaries is a weekly blog series chronicling the experience of a DIVA University student and client. For privacy purposes, the author chooses to remain anonymous, but in doing so, is able to candidly and unabashedly pour her heart out to readers while documenting her journey.
One of the luxuries of growing older and wiser is learning how to be nicer to yourself. When I’m tired, and I just can’t power through, I no longer say to myself, “Ok, lazy. You’re tired because you ate Chinese food and have not working out. Duh. Get up and do something, you have no reason to be tired.” Instead, I say, “I’m not sure if my body is fighting something or having a response to some stress I’ve undergone, but I’m not going to question it too hard and take some time to rest and zone out if I need to.” Listening to my body is something that I’ve always battled. On one hand, I, like most women, have a keen intuition with clairvoyant or even psychic-adjacent abilities. On the other hand, I was stifled by the patriarchy for so long that I wasn’t sure how to trust myself at all. Now that I’m in DIVA University and also recovering from codependency, I’ve learned that all the answers I need in this life are within me. Even if the answer is something like: “We don’t know which way this situation is going to go yet, we need to let it play out,” that’s an answer. Up until my 30s, my life was spent trying to control the future and ruminating on the past. I carried a lot of spazzy vibes around with me, and it is responsible for the masculine energy I have embodied (and am working very hard to undo). I went on a lackluster date recently. I need a lot of practice when it comes to dating. I need to learn/practice how to let a man take the lead, work on embodying feminine energy and raising my vibration before I arrive on the date, keeping body language and conversation topics in check, etc. When I arrived at the restaurant, I was immediately turned off within a few minutes--but that’s not because he was disrespectful or rude, unattractive or anything like that. It was not anything I could put into words, but since I am working so hard on paying attention to my thoughts and am devoting time each day to being in tune with myself, I was able to not only hear my body, but listen to what it was telling me. My body was telling me, “You want to pretend to go to the restroom and really make a run for your car and leave this date.” I couldn’t believe it. I experienced this feeling before I joined DIVA University--with a man I really liked! I know it sounds odd, but hear me out. I had a situationship with a man I fell head over heels for pretty instantly (narcissist), but when we spent time together, I couldn’t wait for the time to end. As much as I felt like I liked him and connected to him, my body was telling me to get the H*LL out of there. I never listened.
So, when I was on this date and my body was telling me the same thing, I listened! I didn’t make a run for my car, but I left the date feeling neutral and like I could cross him off my list. I didn’t ruminate (as much as my brain wanted to suspect if he liked me or didn’t), I just took a breath and kept marching on.
That experience gave me such important knowledge that I can carry into other dates going forward. The good news is: I fully trust myself. I know that I’m not making snap judgments or being closed off to love, because I know that I am open to true love and no longer available for self-doubt or contradicting beliefs. Photo source: Pexels.com