Updated: Sep 21, 2021
The Diva Diaries is a weekly blog series chronicling the experience of a DIVA University student and client. For privacy purposes, the author chooses to remain anonymous, but in doing so, is able to candidly and unabashedly pour her heart out to readers while documenting her journey.
Well, I suppose I knew this day would come--where I couldn’t avoid dating any longer. In fact, aren’t I seeing a love coach specifically to date, meet men, and attract my soulmate? Sometimes I forget that’s one of the major goals of Diva University. All of the work we’ve done on healing and elevating ourselves has been so nice. I guess it’s time to take this improved me on tour!
I’m app dating. I don’t have opportunities to get out and meet men socially these days, being a single woman with two children who are in school. So, I’m beholden to the apps until further notice. And I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing at all, even though apps get a bad rap, I think it’s a pretty efficient way to connect to people and weed out the bad ones. Part of the reason I joined Diva U is that I was app dating for a year and a half before meeting Shay. In fact, I’d had many dates post-divorce, even during a pandemic! But, I kept attracting the same types of men and the same situations over and over again, and I had to realize I was the common denominator. I always took pride in my dating app profiles. I love to write, as you see, and I would always fashion the prompts to be conversation starters, show my personality, and be fun and playful. My pictures could use help, admittedly. I don’t have a ton that aren’t selfies--since the most recent photos of me were taken during the pandy--and anything before that was just a previous lifetime that wouldn’t be me showcasing myself as the best version of me. What I’m working with right now is barebones, and I know in my gut that they’re all sending the wrong message. Not that I’m showing tons of cleave or anything, but they’re lacking that “high value” IT-factor that is sooooo necessary! So, I know I need to get some photos taken. I feel like I need to mentally prepare for that event in and of itself. I’m someone who is living with body image issues and have been my entire life. Photos would be such an act of vulnerability, and of course, I have that subconscious programming inside of me telling me that when I lose 10 lbs, I can get the photos done. Ironically, I’m typing that out while a box of literal Cheez-Its is sitting next to me, so… I know the time is now. I know better than to believe I’ll love myself and the way I look in 10 more lbs. I can certainly give myself a two or three-week deadline to get camera-ready and feel good, but I’m not going to pretend that losing 10+ lbs Is going to happen magically. And if that’s what’s going to keep holding me back, then according to the history of me, I’ll be waiting a long time. That’s the thing about our brains. We create these blocks and these anchors for ourselves in order to protect ourselves from vulnerability. Isn’t it strange how that works? Not only will I get the new photos done within the next three weeks, but maybe I’ll pose with a box of Cheez-Its in one of them as a power move! Photo source: Tabitha Mort, Pexels.com