The Diva Diaries is a weekly blog series chronicling the experience of a DIVA University student and client. For privacy purposes, the author chooses to remain anonymous, but in doing so, is able to candidly and unabashedly pour her heart out to readers while documenting her journey.
I have been in Diva University for a little under two months, and I am just now getting through the major self work and entering the Cup of Dating module in the course. The course is paced in the best way in order to ensure I succeed, but I also have been listening to my own inner guidance system and going at my own speed, except I’ve been slowing down. And then I hit a wall. I had to make a perfect partner list. I already have this list from before I even started Diva U, and it felt very comprehensive. However, the list Shay instructed us to make takes it up a notch. It asks for feelings, emotions, and as many specifics as we can think of (for example: gives me gifts can be expanded to, “treats my birthday like a National Holiday, and celebrates me by showering me with gifts, experiences, and affection.”) For some reason, I just could not get into the headspace to create my perfect partner, and I felt myself avoiding the task at all costs. Thank goodness for my Diva University partner. She and I were paired up together to keep each other accountable, and she is such a good buddy. She always checks in on me and reminds me of the lessons we are learning together and helps me talk things out. I have also begun to get to know several of my other classmates offline for the same purposes. It feels good to know I’m not in this alone. These ladies get it! Diva University comes with its own, built-in support system, which is huge. My partner and the other ladies and I have been able to help each other along, remind each other about why we started on this journey and made this investment in ourselves, and what the payoff is going to be. It’s amazing to me how hard my brain will work to go back to my old ways of thinking (cognitive dissonance), and pretend not to know better when it comes to relationships, romanticizing exes, and looking past red flags.
My brain works hard to tell me all kinds of fake news and create all kinds of doubt in myself. One thing I will say is that when I feel unsure, or cloudy and can’t hear my spirit guides coming through, I always ask myself “What would Shay say?” and it seems to do the trick. That’s one thing I really love about this course--Shay is very accessible, visible, and makes herself available by providing so much content that I can actually hear her voice in my head. The good news is: I am now part of an entire sisterhood of women who are able to echo those same thoughts. It’s wild to me how good we are at coaching one another, but when it comes to our own lives and our own judgment, we all of a sudden feel unsure. That’s really eye-opening because I should theoretically put myself and my well-being above anyone else. But, for some reason, I’m able to tell the others why they are so worthy and amazing but it actually sometimes takes a concerted effort and hard work for me to tell myself the same things. I guess that’s why I’m here though. It’s not just to fall in love and find a husband. It’s to love myself and be the best version of myself that I can be so that I attract a husband and every other wonderful thing life has to offer.
It’s a really vulnerable thing to hire a love coach, and it’s even more vulnerable to show your face and get to personally know other women who are in the same boat as you. But, once I got past that initial discomfort, I realized what treasures these women really are. I have been able to sound off to them, lean into them, gain encouragement when I needed it most. What a gift. Photo Credit: Dennis Magati via Pexels.com