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DIVA Diaries: Breaking the Soul Tie

The Diva Diaries is a weekly blog series chronicling the experience of a DIVA University student and client. For privacy purposes, the author chooses to remain anonymous, but in doing so, is able to candidly and unabashedly pour her heart out to readers while documenting her journey.

I never knew what a soul tie was until I joined DIVA University--and then I learned quickly that there was a label for the entanglement that was lingering with a man I’d gotten involved with last fall. For some reason, I knew he wasn’t that great. He had few redeeming qualities, but there were still those few. Even though the s*x was pretty much terrible, I was still obsessed with him, and I could not figure out why. It was torture. I started to get pretty down on myself about it, too. I had chased the man, I had been the man, I had even tried to cut him out cold turkey and that he would trickle back in or I would trickle back in, and we’d spend time together.

When I had my first one on one with Shay, the first thing she said to me was, “We need to talk about your picker” which meant I pick low-quality men. She wasn’t wrong, and I’d heard it before. So when I joined DIVA University, I spent some significant time doing the soul tie breaking meditation and practices. I made an “ick list,” and was able to tell him one day that I was looking for a relationship and if he wasn’t then I was going to move on. He declined the offer to pursue things further like I knew he would, and I told him I was glad our paths crossed and I wished him well. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders--even if I was disappointed. Three weeks later, he popped back up on text. I felt validated because I thought this meant that he’d finally realized I value myself and my needs and he was remorseful. We exchanged some texts, and even when I wouldn’t reply, he would send a few more texts. I delusionally thought this meant that all the work I’d been doing at DIVA University was paying off--I was finally the man magnet I have been trying to be, and the one I wanted was being magnetically attracted to me!

In fact, he began texting me more and more compliments--a thing he’d never really done. In fact, I wasn’t sure he even knew my name. Last week, he started getting more flirty and even said to me, “You are the one for me. I have never had a mental connection with a lady before, and I love your mind. You impress me.” While it was nice to hear that from someone I liked, I raised an eyebrow. I bravely responded to him that as charming as that is, I am not available for a textationship. He asked if I was telling him to delete my number and stop texting me. I told him that I was available for dates, but not text conversations without dates. So if he hadn’t planned on asking me out, then yes, delete my number. He apologized and said he was just looking for “friendship,” and would not bother me anymore. I deleted his number, and the soul tie has finally been cut---this time for good. Cutting this soul tie was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do so far. I was so convinced that this guy was the one for me, even though his actions proved otherwise. I felt like it was maybe wrong timing, or he was just not living up to his potential. The reality is: I have simply outgrown lowering myself to the f*ckboy level. A man who only wants a part of me does not get to have me. I am the prize. And anyone who doesn’t see that is not the man for me. Source:

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