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DIVA Diaries: This Is Just A Test



The Diva Diaries is a weekly blog series chronicling the experience of a DIVA University student and client. For privacy purposes, the author chooses to remain anonymous, but in doing so, is able to candidly and unabashedly pour her heart out to readers while documenting her journey.

Last time you heard from me back in March, I was at the very beginning of something that felt really good with a guy who checked off a lot of boxes on my perfect partner list. Admittedly, I was hopeful and felt like all of my hard work in DIVA University was finally paying off. No, scratch that, I felt like I was finally being rewarded for enduring years of the same negative romantic cycles and finally breaking the chain. Well, it turns out, I was wrong. This seemingly emotionally available man who appeared to be everything I wanted and more ended up being unavailable. Slowly, over time, I began to feel uneasy and unsettled in my soul about the budding relationship. Thankfully, Shay was there to counsel me when I needed it, and I was able to put an end to communication with him. It was hard, because he did not want to end things, but ultimately, he was not available for what I needed. It was difficult, but I was proud of the way it was handled. Ultimately, he helped raise the bar in a few areas. He came along after I was feeling so starved for external attention, and I succumbed to it. It helped me understand and realize the areas of myself that I need to hone and get control over. There are no wrong turns in life--my mother always tells me this. I am so committed to myself that I must take a step back when there's an unsettling feeling inside of me. I'm proud of myself, even if it did hurt. Shay informed me that this was my test, and I should be feeling very excited about what is around the corner for me. I have fought the urge to fall into victimhood about another disappointment because I know better. I know that when the Universe sends you red flags and you brush past them, the red flags will continue to get louder and brighter. And they did! I worked really hard to take care of my feelings, and come back to center. The month of May as a whole, was a difficult month for me due to some health issues and negativity with work. I did what came naturally to me, though, I fed my soul. I enjoy taking on house projects and sprucing up my space because it makes me feel inspired and comforted. So I did, and I'm still doing so! Every day I'm able to walk around my home and see the small changes I've made and feel a burst of gratitude in my chest. I am sitting here writing this from my kitchen table with the windows next to me open and the most gentle cool breeze washing over me. I can hear birds chirping, I smell the summer air, and I see the gorgeous grass and flowers outside. It takes a LOT to dig deep and find that simple gratitude. It can sometimes even feel forced. But I did notice a few things lately: 1. My positivity and peacefulness is contagious and those around me who would normally be Debbie Downers have changed--if ever so slightly--in their mindsets. 2. I'm powerful. I recognize and hone my power every single day. I influence way more people than I ever even realized. I look forward to standing in this power even more. 3. Feelings pass. Change is always around the corner. Life is exciting. These may feel like simple thoughts for now, but they are my thoughts. I'm so very exited for what change is around the corner. Photo Source: Andrea Piacquido via pexels.com

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