The Diva Diaries is a weekly blog series chronicling the experience of a DIVA University student and client. For privacy purposes, the author chooses to remain anonymous, but in doing so, is able to candidly and unabashedly pour her heart out to readers while documenting her journey.
I’m not sure why, but I am experiencing information overload. The information I’m speaking to is the information about myself. Ma’am, I am a mid-30-something grown a$$ woman, and before DIVA U, I had no idea that I didn’t know THIS much about myself.
In the last few weeks of my blog, though, I’m sure it doesn’t take a genius to realize that when I’m actively avoiding my own issues, I turn to others and pour into theirs. In fact, once I started realizing that I felt stuck in my own progress, depleted, etc., I not only began glomming onto my friends’ and family’s issues, but then more people came out of the woodwork to emotionally dump on me. It was almost laughable. Almost. But, like I have been every few weeks since I began my DIVA University journey, I had to take a hard look in the literal and metaphorical mirrors and realize that when things get rough, I ignore my own struggles. And, as an empath, I easily take on the energy and moods of others, and it came to my attention over the last few weeks that people know this about me and can sense it. And, once you’ve made yourself available to someone like that once, they keep coming back again and again. Why is it that I can give advice to my friends effortlessly, but I can’t take my own advice? Why is it so easy for me to believe in them, and then have nothing but doubt when it comes to myself? These are just a few of the questions I’ve had to ask myself the last few weeks. My conclusion was this: Because I see their worth, and I know what they deserve. Furthermore, I have yet to realize my actual worth, and what I deserve. There’s only one logical way to fix this: I need to take the focus off of everyone else–including my future husband–and turn it all back into me. I need to “bring it back home,” as I like to say. This means, doing things that feed my soul, feed my goals, and feed my stomach (It’s Christmastime, after all). I think they call this “Eat. Pray. Love.” It couldn’t have come at a better time, too. I was in quarantine/isolation for the last 5 days. My kids were gone. I was at home, with nowhere to go, left with my own thoughts. I did a lot of introspection, I could feel my mind drifting away from me and every time, I was able to bring it back. I meditated. I took baths. I read. I wrote. I ate. I slept. I danced. I cleaned. These are all of my ways that I pour into my own cup. When I find myself drifting away from home base, I don’t need to keep avoiding my stuff–I need to tune out everyone else. I emailed Shay to let her know a few things that came to my mind during this time. She emailed me and echoed my sentiments, telling me the environment and the energies surrounding me have been blocking me from attracting my true love. For the first time in this entire program, she told me: “Your Love is close. You must make a decision and this decision requires sacrifice. If those around you won't get on board, you must get off.” Photo source: Yan Krukov via pexels.com