The Diva Diaries is a weekly blog series chronicling the experience of a DIVA University student and client. For privacy purposes, the author chooses to remain anonymous, but in doing so, is able to candidly and unabashedly pour her heart out to readers while documenting her journey.
When I began my self-development journey, I was already on a spiritual development journey for quite some time. Not to be confused with religion, but my spiritual beliefs came into play at a time when I felt very out of control in my life. It was the height of the pandemic, and I was finding myself in confusing situationships, and needless to say, I began my relationship with meditation, chakra clearing, and taking inventory of my thoughts. One spiritual teacher I follow teaches about manifestation and the Law of Attraction. Her teachings coincide with everything Shay is also teaching in her course, so I was happy to have a foundation of understanding when I began the manifestation aspect of DIVA University. The other day, I was in my car, and I decided to call out to my spirit guides for assistance. I said, “Guides, Angels, Teachers, please come forward and help me. Please show me what I need to unblock in order to attract true love into my life. I am listening, and I am open to receiving your message.” I thanked them and automatically felt my mind going through ideas of “what it could be”--and when I felt that, I immediately stopped wracking my brain. I went back to driving and listening to a podcast. Not even five minutes later, the guest of the podcast said, “It’s like when someone gives you a hug, and holds it a little longer than necessary, or they give you an extra squeeze. That action in itself communicates so much.”
I immediately burst into tears. His words transported me back in time two years ago, when I had just gotten divorced. My ex-husband and I never discussed our divorce. I never got the traditional “closure,” and he didn’t feel the marriage deserved enough respect to have a conversation. A few days after our divorce, I saw his parents at an event for my son. At this point, nobody had ill will toward one another, and his mother hugged me as we always did. But this hug was different: She hung onto me tightly--tighter than she ever had. She squeezed me. She lingered. She wasn’t someone to confront a situation like this, and I never had a conversation with her either. But for some reason, I knew in that moment the hug was her way of saying, “I’m so sorry. I know you had to make your choices. I love you.” That was my miracle. My angels and guides showed me exactly what I still need to unblock in order to attract true love into my life. It’s my ex-husband. My ex-in-laws. The disappointment they put me through, and the subsequent abandonment. While I included them all in my forgiveness ritual, I had to be honest with myself: I forgave them because I knew it was something I had to do in order to move forward in the program. I wrote them letters, I forgave them, but I haven’t fully let it go. My grief comes in waves. Right now, it’s revving up, as this is the anniversary of my wedding, and my divorce. And it’s Christmastime. I had to be honest with myself, and realize that I truly have to go back and forgive him, and forgive them. I also most likely need to break a soul tie with my ex-husband. I didn’t think I had one, but apparently, I do.
I knew in my heart that my guides were showing me what I needed to see. In DIVA University, we have the option to go back and tweak our experience, re-do rituals and exercises, and start again. It’s par for the course. The next day, I asked my guides to come forward again. I said, “Thank you for showing me what I could not see, but I need your guidance and your help in how I remove that block.”
The answer came within hours. I found myself in the throes of a political conversation with someone of the opposite views. I knew I was taking the bait being offered to me--I always do. I had to stop in that moment and ask myself what the lesson was. And then it hit me: Stop. Taking. The. Bait. If I had learned this lesson decades ago, I probably would have saved myself so much pain and heartache. One of my biggest revelations in Diva University has been realizing that I have been ready for a fight my entire life. I approach every interaction with men assuming they are going to hurt me in some way. My combative nature has created aggressive energy, and subsequently attracted conflict wherever I go. Because I always take the bait. For anyone reading this, call on your guides and ask them to show you what you aren’t seeing. They are there to help you, and they are ready to show you what path you need to take. Ask questions, be specific, and comment below if you get your answer! Photo: Johannes Plenio via pexels.com