The Diva Diaries is a weekly blog series chronicling the experience of a DIVA University student and client. For privacy purposes, the author chooses to remain anonymous, but in doing so, is able to candidly and unabashedly pour her heart out to readers while documenting her journey.
My dating life has been non-existent for quite some time. After being stood up twice, and having one extremely forgettable date in January, I felt like I really lost my mojo. When this happens, I have the wherewithal to turn my focus inward, and ask myself, “What is happening within me that is preventing anyone from coming in?” and I can usually find the answer. That’s because I am able to turn all that effort and energy I put outward into swiping and meaningless conversations on dating apps back onto the things that nurture and feed my soul. This isn’t easy by any means. As a recovering codependent, I have a history of of only focusing on what’s happening outside of myself. But, now that I know better, I must do better. Now that I’ve been able to unlock a higher level of consciousness, I can use that tool to course correct, and that’s what I’ve been doing. And voila! The dating app activity went from seriously ebbing to seriously flowing. It was refreshing to have the energy and the drive to want to have conversations with people and start vetting again. This energy was really contributing to my vibration, because I matched with a man and set up a coffee date for Sunday morning last week. I liked it because we had only exchanged a few pleasantries on the app before he asked me out, and we hadn’t gotten too in depth. I was eager to see if that was a really good thing, or a really bad thing. But either way, I am so ready to date the way DIVA U has taught me to date. He asked for my phone number, and I told him I keep communication on the app until I’ve met someone. He traveled to me. It was all very easy. My brain was working hard to try to hype me up for the date and get me nervous, but I wasn’t letting myself go there. Sunday morning rolled around, and I could notice that for once, I wasn’t having to motivate myself to want to go on this date. I was genuinely excited to have coffee with someone, get to know them, and see what happened. I know that this relaxed energy served me well, because I was able to show up on the date with confidence, ease, and as myself. I could tell that my feminine power was something this man was not used to, because he had a hard time keeping eye contact. I purposely sat on his right side as opposed to across a table from him. I made a suggestion on which coffee he should order–and he did. We genuinely had a nice time! An hour later, I thanked him and left the date. “So what was he like? Was he cute? Did he flirt? What does he do? Where does he live?” my friends asked me. “I mean, he was a really nice guy and I enjoyed talking to him, but I’m not even focusing on all of that yet,” I said. And that’s the truth. Let me explain: I went on this date to evaluate the following: 1. Was I motivated and excited to go on this date? Yes. 2. Was I feeling confident and attractive on this date? Yes. 3. Did I enjoy being there and was my body relaxed when I was there? Yes. 4. Did I feel like this was a good use of my time? Yes. 5. Would I spend time with this person again? Yes.
Overall–the date was great! It was great because I wanted to evaluate MYSELF. After going through DIVA U, I now know that my insecurities and body image issues are my biggest love block, and those are two things that would preoccupy me in almost any romantic situation. I was able to evaluate different aspects of myself on that date, and check in to see how I felt being there.
And the guy? He’s very nice. He asked thoughtful questions, he was polite, he paid, he has a career and ambition. He’s single. That information was good enough for me. After evaluating how I felt on the date–and then how I felt in the hours that came after the date–I have decided to accept a second date with this gentleman. See, it’s always important to understand that we process experiences after the fact. He texted me an hour after I left to tell me he had a great time and tell me he wanted to see me again. I told him I’d love to go on a second date. And that’s how it’s done! However, second date still has yet to be planned. But guess what? That’s ok with me. I have THREE dates lined up over the next week. I cannot wait to report back!
Photo source: Anete Lusina via Pexels.com